Us before I and Them before Me – The Relationship Hierachy of Needs


I have been in London for three years now, one serious relationship and many flings later and Mr. Right still hasn’t reared his ugly (well hopefully good looking) head. But to be honest, I don’t think I am looking for Mr. Right, what’s wrong with Mr Right now? The more time I spend thinking about it, the more I wonder is a relationship all it’s made out to be. What worries me is the way the media portray the idea of relationships and the importance of being in one. Look at all the cheating footballers out there and their wives who stay with them after countless numbers of indiscretions. Is that really a good message to send to the youth of today?

When I was a marketing student, I learnt Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (nicely set out for us in a pyramid) and now, looking back at it as an adult who has felt heartbreak and felt the exhilaration of a one night stand; I can’t help but wonder, should the pyramid be rearranged? Self-Actualisation, sits proudly at the top with self-esteem right underneath while love and intimacy and belonging, sit below that. Is it not strange how self-esteem is something we apparently look for after love and belonging? Do we sacrifice our self-esteem to find them? Maybe it’s time we rearranged that pyramid and reinstated our belief in ourselves. Surely self-esteem and respect for ourselves should come way before finding love.  Maybe if we worked from the new Hierachy of Needs and became happy with who we are first, love and belonging would naturally follow. I know I would rather be happy with who I am first and foremost than unhappy and have somebody to love. If you can’t love yourself, why should anyone else?

Author: Jodie Burch (12 Posts)

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